Wednesday, January 22, 2020

Friendship - multiple forgivenesses

I bought the book Consolations at the Weekend with David Whyte. He takes a list of 52 words and writes about them - short reflections rather than poems. I keep remembering what he said about friendship, and in particular that "friendship only survives with multiple forgivenesses." It pleases me to hear "forgiveness" made into a noun like that. Each forgiveness (or less poetically, each act of forgiveness) like a stone of a path, multiple forgivenesses creating a beautiful path through friendship.

It struck me that we need multiple forgivenesses in our church life, too. Brad used to say that one of the good things about going to church is that you spend time with people you otherwise would not touch with a 10-foot pole. Yes, and we all have to forgive each other over and over. Nadia Bolz-Weber said that when she welcomed new members to her church, she would tell them, "We're going to mess up. Someone is going to say something that hurts, someone is going to do something stupid. I hope you'll stick around to see the beauty God makes of this mess." Multiple forgivenesses will create beauty.
FRIENDSHIP is a mirror to presence and a testament to forgiveness. Friendship not only helps us see ourselves through another’s eyes, but can be sustained over the years only with someone who has repeatedly forgiven us for our trespasses as we must find it in ourselves to forgive them in turn. A friend knows our difficulties and shadows and remains in sight, a companion to our vulnerabilities more than our triumphs, when we are under the strange illusion we do not need them. An undercurrent of real friendship is a blessing exactly because its elemental form is rediscovered again and again through understanding and mercy. All friendships of any length are based on a continued, mutual forgiveness. Without tolerance and mercy all friendships die.  ~~from Consolations by David Whyte

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